Okay so last Monday I somehow convinced my friend Amanda that it would be a great idea to donate blood. A church down the street from my house was having a blood drive! Knowing that my blood type is O, therefore I rule, I thought it was our duty to donate! Mind you, this was after inhaling about 7 spicy garlic chicken wings, an order of delicious onion rings and enough pop to rot all y'all's teeth. Anyway, we show up, sign in and fill out our questionnaire. Quick question, why did they want to know if I've just had sex with a man who has just had anal sex with another man? Like I was really going to be honest about that one! Ha! Anyway...
They get me hooked up and I start drippin' some blood in my bag. I'm feeling pretty good about what I'm doing. My blood could actually help save someone's life. Awesome right? So I was just about done when I turn to Amanda and tell her my stomach was feeling a little nauseous. Right after I tell her that I started to feel a little dizzy. So I tell the lady standing next to me, who is now working on another person that I’m starting to feel dizzy. She has the audacity to look at me and say, “Oh okay” and then continue working on the other person. So as soon as she turns around I say, “Nope…. I’m going! I’m going!!” And there I was, my world starting to turn fuzzy and grey. My eyes start rolling back in my head and the only thing I can think to say is…. I’m going???? Where was I going exactly? According to the guy who flipped me back in my chair, threw a wet nap on my forehead and neck and who urged me to “DRINK THIS” Gatorade, I was going no where but staying with him. I said, “Nope, I’m going!” He says to me, “I don’t know where you think you’re going but you’re gonna stay right here with me.” Before I knew it, and trust me, I don’t even remember this happening, but the needle was out of my arm and I was told the color was returning to my face. Mind you, when the dude flipped my chair back all I could see were my toes and they looked like little white, mini, uncooked sausages. It was the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen.
After I ate my TWO oreo cookies, (which to be honest really is the only reason I donated… they give you juice and cookies when you’re done!) I moved to the cookies and juice table with Amanda where we were STUCK between two old biddies who were discussing all of their ailments with us. Mind you… I was *this close* to death a few minutes before and this old lady tells me, “Last year I donated blood and two weeks later I had a stroke.” A stroke???? GREAT! So now I’m expected to DIE NEXT WEEK! Is that what you’re telling me! If I had any energy I SWEAR I would have smashed my oreos in her face. Actually no…I would have opened a new package and smashed those in her face. My cookies weren’t going anywhere but HOME WITH ME!!
Until next time…
ps... I had to fill out an "incident report" and they finally called me yesterday to check on me. Apparently to see if I've had my stroke yet.
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